just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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