I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
