i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
