Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it's like iHOP with fire
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
