never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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