Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
