you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize