Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
