girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
