Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
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