I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
