matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
