Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
