I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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