when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
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