We named our party play list daddy issues
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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