pop tarts are not kleenex
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
