K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
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You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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