Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
