but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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