Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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