im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
