i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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