Your mouth is God's brothel.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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