but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
