He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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