So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
