The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
