So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
