Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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