went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
how drunk are you?
Several
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
