Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
