Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Randomize
