someone get that fucking seahorse.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
