how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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