He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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