ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
