Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
