My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
