I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
