K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
