I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
