So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think my vagina is haunted
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
