I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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