i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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