Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
How naked do you want me to be?
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