so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
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