I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
