Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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