so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize
