Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
