Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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