the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You can't special order awesome
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
