Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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