Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize