dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
