Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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